Bookkeeping and Accounting Jokes; Yeah it can be funny!

A new accountant joined a bookkeeping company to replace a retiring accountant. The new accountant wanted to learn as much as possible from the wise old accountant. He closely followed his advice and noticed his actions religiously. One such action made him very curious. The old accountant would open an old yellowing envelope everyday and read the letter in it. He did this the first thing he started his work at office every day.

After a week the old accountant finally departed with a emotional farewell. The new accountant was anxious to learn what was the old man secret to success. So he sprints to the old accountants desk, pulls open the drawer, scrambles around for the envelope and finally reads the letter.

"Debits in the column toward the file cabinet.
Credits in the column toward the window." 

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A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two".
The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it."
The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001."
Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four."
Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.
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The clerk walks into the boss's office and says, "The auditors have just left, sir.""Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss. "Very thoroughly," is the reply. "Well, what did they say", says the boss. "They want 15% to keep quiet."
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Here is a stunner - Accountants Vs Lawyers
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. " I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
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The Four Laws of Accounting:

1. Trial balances don't.

2. Bank reconciliations never do.

3. Working capital does not.

4. Return on investments never will.